It’s not that people want to get hurt again. It’s that they want to master a situation in which they felt helpless as children. Maybe this time, the unconscious imagines, I can go back and heal that wound from long ago by engaging with somebody familiar—but new. The only problem is, by choosing familiar partners, people guarantee a familiar result: They reopen the wounds and feel even more inadequate and unlovable. This might be what has happened to you.