"This song hits different when you're in a dead relationship, where you both know there's no love anymore but you both stay because it's comfortable, and maybe you just don't care enough to leave. maybe there's something familiar about coming home to empty conversations that leave you feeling more hollow than before. something familiar about feeling a quiet sadness, yet not knowing why, and letting it get worse because it's just dull enough to not matter but painful enough to be noticed. something familiar in not knowing if you'll ever feel okay or normal again, but it's alright because, on paper, you should be happy. so why are you sad? why do you feel so damn empty? why don't their "I love you" do anything for you anymore, why don't you feel anything when you take them for dates or look into their eyes, where's the stutter in your heartbeat? when you leave for work, you don't say goodbye anymore, and most days are silent. there's nothing to talk about anymore, and if there was, you probably wouldn't want to talk about it. is this what love is? you're growing tired of them, you think. but things are comfortable, and these days, you're tired of everything. and when you lie awake in bed beside their sleeping body, you want to get rid of your hollowing sadness, the one that's haunted you for as long as you can remember, and you try to cry but can't. you can't manage a single tear, and you want to scream because of it. your emotions are too deeply repressed now. is this what life is? and sometimes, in the early hours of the morning, where the moonlight is still filtering through the blinds - where it shines onto your shared bed, where neither of you dares touch the other - you wonder if things would be better if you were dead. it feels like you already are anyway."

"This song is actually..really telling of what it's like to live with PTSD from interpersonal relationship-related trauma, and maybe other traumas but I can only speak for mine. There are so many things you can't talk about or you go vacant and lost in a bad place, but a lot of those things and boundaries are important to go over in a relationship and you want to, have to, but you don't want to get lost treading those deep grooves in your mind, paths already over the tread. You do want closeness, to be loved but you can't always be touched, living with a war in your head that you tell over and over to stop but it never stops, and you turn the pearl over and over, it glints in your mind so brightly that you can't see outside of it. And you want to be normal, lovable, touchable, and more than anything you want to be present."


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